Wednesday 26 June 2013

First Blog Post Blues - Nothing I ever write will be as cringe worthy


Yikes. It is stupidly scary catching my words and pinning them to the web like this. I’m a writer. I agonise.

I am also pathologically British. I don't like talking about myself. 

Cue people that have been submitted to my verbal incontinence in person spluttering into their tea /wine/gin.

Seriously people, I’m scared because this is a diary that other people are going to read.

Best way to face your fear – tackle it head on.

Now that’s an idea.

In the spirit of getting into the psyche of my teenage characters I’ve recently re-read the diaries I wrote obsessively when I was thirteen to fifteen. Oh lordy, lordy – I really don’t recommend it.

But you know what? In the spirit of overcoming fears I’m going to post a genuine extract of that diary right here, right now.

Gulp. I chose this extract because it was a momentous day – the day I got my first job aged fourteen. But you wouldn’t know it because I was slightly distracted as you will see below.

February 7th 1991

Dear Diary,

Today HTIA2 (He That Is Adored 2) was not at school. I couldn’t believe it, I was looking forward to double maths all week and when he wasn’t there I felt sick, actually sick to my stomach. He doesn’t even actually know I exist but when he is not there for one day that day is the slowest day ever and I felt totally miserable. I wish I could just fake being ill for the rest of week. I love him. I LOVE HIM. I’m going to die of it. No one can ever know how this feels. I need to get some new white socks to wear over my black tights. I love my new brown waxy DM’s glad I didn't get cherry reds. I love them! Yeah! I got the job. I start Saturday £12 a day and a girl called Jess works there who knows Gavin.

So that’s it. I’ve done the unthinkable. I’m liberated. Nothing I ever write will be as cringe worthy as that.

Notes:
I didn't die of love.
I can't remember who HTIA1 was, let alone 2.
I really wish I’d kept those DM’s.

Anyone else keep a teenage diary? Go on share a snippet with me. You know you want to.

 

 
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14 comments:

  1. The Blabers Personal Blog26 June 2013 at 12:44

    You're right. Nothing can EVER be as cringe worthy as that but well done for facing your fear!

    You rock.

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    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay26 June 2013 at 12:54

      You know I needed to. Haven't changed much have I?

      Delete
  2. Sarah Middleton26 June 2013 at 12:44

    Great first post! I didn't do diaries so wouldn't be able to give you an extract of mine, however I do remember being 14 and the emotional somersaults that come with being a young teen.

    Good luck with it all. Looking forward to more blog posts :-)

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    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay26 June 2013 at 12:55

      Thanks Sarah,
      Planning to post Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

      Delete
  3. Unknown26 June 2013 at 12:46

    I love this... and it sums up what I LOVE about reading! (I'll let you do the writing). ... it's the ability to get lost in memories/imagination taking you away from the hum drum of day to day life... I just wish I had more time. Looking forward to the next instalment.. Maybe we get to find out who HTIA1 & 2 are and what is with the socks over tights thing!!! I remember this so well

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay26 June 2013 at 12:56

      Thanks Libs.
      They'll be no more diary entries I'm afraid. I can't take the self-flagellation...

      Delete
  4. Felice Ayling26 June 2013 at 15:36

    That was brilliant! Looking forward to many more :)

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    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay27 June 2013 at 01:52

      Where's the snippet from your teenage diary, Felice? I'm sure you must have one....

      Delete
    2. Felice Ayling27 June 2013 at 03:20

      I never kept a diary, those years were best forgotten about haha! Well done on getting your first post out there, it can feel really scary and exposed to start opening up for the world to see but in no time you'll be sharing all sorts of personal experiences without batting an eye. Just keep in mind that there are lots of people out there who really want to read what you have to say. Don't hold back, be yourself in everything you write and watch them line up :)

      Delete
  5. Antonia Lindsay27 June 2013 at 09:53

    Thanks Felice and great advice x

    ReplyDelete
  6. My Little Patch27 June 2013 at 11:43

    I remember my teenage diary entries soooo well.. I never kept them though, thankfully! I'm cringing just remembering them.. especially as I used to reference them with my 'slow song tapes' (Can't believe I admitted that out loud!)Good luck with the writing chick.. can't wait to have a sneaky peek xxx

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    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay27 June 2013 at 13:50

      Oh Claire I do love you.
      Slow song tapes, I had those too. I'm sure I would have referenced them with my diary if I'd only though of that. They had to be recorded on a tape-to-tape set up from my top 40 Sunday tapes - what a faff.
      Worth it though as I used to listen to them in the dark sometimes whilst dreaming of HTIA1.

      Delete
  7. Claire Reedy27 June 2013 at 12:13

    Haha - this ia ace! Love the frenetic, random stream of consciousness! Looking forward to the book!

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    Replies
    1. Antonia Lindsay27 June 2013 at 13:53

      Thanks Claire,
      I won't always be quite this frenetic. You can probably tell I was a little bit keyed up about my first blog. It had to be really good or really bad. I opted for the latter.

      Delete

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